


Indispensable

by fmpsimon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Connie Springer - Freeform, Drabble, Eren Jaeger - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Jean kirschtein - Freeform, Oneshot, mikasa ackermann - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-17 13:26:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8145706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmpsimon/pseuds/fmpsimon
Summary: Jean and Eren are at it again. Another fight that has come to blows. Compelled to leave his quarters, Jean goes outside and has a rare moment alone with Mikasa.  Set during chapter 72 of the manga.





	

            Jean Kirschtein dabbed at his lip absently with a damp cloth, sitting on the edge of the cot.  The cut stung, but it would heal, and he would live.  What hurt more was his pride.  Again, he had gotten into a fight with Eren, and _again_ , he had come out of it looking worse for wear.  He had really flown off the handle.  But so had Eren.  That little prick.  He was reckless, he was rash, and he put the rest of them in constant danger.  And he had Mikasa.  And she was always rushing to save him, completely ignoring that she might get herself killed in the process.  He sighed.  That idiot probably didn't even notice how devoted she was to him.  He walked through life, completely blind.

            Jean wished _he_ could be that way.  But instead he was painfully aware of the fact that Mikasa barely even saw him.  Why did he have to be so hung up on her?

            "Because she's perfect," he muttered.

            And she was probably nursing Eren's wounds right now, while he was stuck on his own.  No, he reminded himself.  Eren could heal rapidly due to the titan abilities.  Damn it.  Now no one would even be able to tell that he had landed on punch on the brat at all.

            _Fuck_.

            He threw the cloth down and pressed his hands into his forehead.  This was _not_ supposed to happen!  He was supposed to have gone through training, joined the Military Police, and been sitting pretty and safe within the inner walls.  But he was here, in the Scouts, feeling sorry for himself because he had fallen for a girl.  Mikasa wasn't interested in him.  She never was, and she never would be.

            "Fuck."

            But she just had to be so goddamn beautiful, clever, skilled, and...perfect.  Sure, she had a tendency to be a little emotional, but that was only because of Eren.  Something had happened when she was a child.  Something that linked them together.  Eren had virtually no skills as a soldier.  He had that damn titan ability--his one claim to fame.  Fucking golden boy.  And they needed him.  All of them, including himself.

            “ _Fuck_!”

            “Hey, keep it down, would you?” Connie groaned from the other side of the room.  “Some of us are trying to sleep.”  He scowled and put on his cloak.  Connie blinked at him.  “If you’re leaving, would you put that light out?”

            He wet his fingers and put out the candle.  Then, with no regard for the noise he was making, stomped out of the room, and closed the door with a clatter.  He stalked down the hallway, and out the front door, his fists clenched.  Torches were lit, but fading.  No one should have been out at this hour, especially with all the shit that was happening around them, with the exception of those on watch.  Their next move was to retake Wall Maria.  He took a deep breath in and when he exhaled, his breath was shaky.  Maybe this would be it.  Maybe this time, he would die.  He crossed his arms and stared darkly, looking at nothing in particular.

            "Licking your wounds?" came a voice from behind him.

            He whipped around.   _Mikasa_.  What was she doing out here?  "Couldn’t sleep," he said quickly.  He turned back to the outside, leaning against the doorframe.  He was grateful the darkness hid the color that had rushed to his cheeks.  He couldn’t believe, after all this time, she still made him blush.

            She stood next to him.  "Sorry Eren lost it."

            "You're _apologizing_ for him?" he snapped, unable to keep the anger out of his tone.

            She looked ahead.  "I think you both owe each other an apology," she said with a twinge of annoyance.  "Don't you think?" she said with a sidelong glance.  He frowned.  "I don't need your protection," she said at length.  He raised an eyebrow, watching her.  She didn't look at him.  "I want to protect Eren.  I don't do it for any other reason.  It is not a burden.  It is my honor."  She paused.  "So, you don't need to blame him for that.  He has never asked me for protection.  I give it freely."

            "Fine, but that doesn't make me like him any better," he grumbled.  In fact, it made him dislike Eren even more.  "Well, I hope he appreciates what you've given up for him."

            "What I've given up?"  Her emotions were bubbling to the surface.  "If I hadn't followed him, I would have given up more."  He shook his head; he didn't understand.  Mikasa crossed her arms.  "Eren is my family.  I couldn't let him go alone."  She glanced at him, then looked ahead again.  "Besides, I promised his mother I'd keep him safe."

            Now he felt like a real idiot.  "I don't mean to be unkind, I'm sorry.  I know you’ve been through a lot together.  More than most.  Definitely more than I have," he muttered.  He heard a puff of breath escape her lips, and then she started to walk away.  He dropped his arms and turned back.  "But I won't stand here silently, watching you throw your life away either."  She stopped.  "You can rely on all of us to do protect Eren too."  He sighed.  "That's why we're here—Connie, Sasha, me.  You _can_ rely on us.  You can rely on me."  He paused.  "I'm trying to say...don't get yourself killed for him.  Leave it to someone like me.  I'm dispensable.  You're not."  He averted his eyes, afraid to see the look on her face.

            "You think far too highly of me, Jean," she said softly.

            He shook his head.  "I don't think that's possible."  She blinked at him, then quickly averted her eyes.  He rubbed the back of his neck.  "Sorry."   _Fuck, get it together_.

            She hid her mouth behind her scarf.  "You should sleep.  We have a lot of work to do tomorrow."  He nodded, simultaneously watching her and trying not to stare.  She turned around.  "And you're not dispensable."

            "I'm not, huh?" he said into the darkness.  "Meaning?"  He took a few steps toward her, feeling cocky.

            "Meaning I don't want you to die either," she said without looking up.  "I'm a good fighter, yes, but you're a good leader.  People trust you—they follow you."  They stopped outside her quarters and he leaned his shoulder against the wall.  "Try not to get into any more fist fights before tomorrow.  I think you forget you don't heal like Eren does."  She gently touched his cheek where a purple bruise had bloomed.  The sound of his own heart beating filled his ears as he gaped at her, lips slightly parted.  "Get some sleep," she said, opening the door.

            "Good night, Mikasa."  He walked the door close, frozen where he stood.  She had barely touched him, but warmth had radiated from the spot.  With a goofy smile on his face, he made his way to his dormitory.

            "What are _you_ smiling about?" Eren said.

            Jean sunk into his bed.  Normally he would have had some nasty comeback or snarky comment, but not tonight.  No, he was going to let that roll off his back.  Mikasa Ackermann said she didn't want him to die, meaning she had thought about him—meaning he _wasn't_ invisible to her.  And that meant he still had a shot.


End file.
